Mumbo Jabaliyya

From now and then I wake up In the middle of the night Because some evil 'something'  Wants to get me I fall out of 'its' grip Literally  And wake up in horror Turning on the lights Hastily  And try to wake up To let 'it' out Before getting back to sleep The morning after I wonder what will Happen  If I don't fall out of my nightmare And the evil gets me

Dear dead daddy My missed mother I share so many things With so many people With the world About my sport achievements Mountainbiking, surfing, duathlon, hikes And more Also About really cool parties, raves and festivals I go to Bam! In everyone’s face Instagram, Facebook, Strava, Ello, YouTube  And more But the most important happenings I can not share With some of the most important persons (That were) In my life (Once) Because You know... Your youngest grandson  Started gymnasium And is performing so good Plays the piano enthusiastically  Is so motivated  And so positive minded You would be so proud And happy for him Your oldest grandson Well, He went to Rome with school He is joining on an international student exchange program  He decided he wants to study Sociology  He is about to have his first job He formed a rock band He drinks alcohol, occasionally He says the treatment for his ey

Heading for the sea Blue sky Mild spring temperature The dunes And the world is changing The sand is blown up Its chilly Cold On the beach I experience little visibility Really not a good time To go out there SUP boarding I prepare myself And head for the cold water The mist encapsulates me The more I am distant from the beach The more I feel one with the sea It is so quit over here I see nobody I hear nobody The world seems clear Organized Small Not much to do here No distraction No duties No social intercourse Just me And The waves The mist The water A lonesome gull I feel I would never be scared out there Far out there Shall I go? I feel at home Sheltered Safeguarded Then Another magnificent moment The mist solves In a circular manner I see the dunes Within this natural frame I see people Their dogs And more people The sun wins the coastal battle The mystic mist is gone I am exposed again Vulnerable Within some mom

I loom from a fog Of apathy Dullness And downheartedness Just like that All of a sudden Unexpectedly I feel Normal A kind of excited Positive And the things that need to be done today Work out wonderfully simple So I give it an extra mile And do more things Then These actions Are running rough My impatience boils over And culminates, explodes In aggression, impatience, negativity And hopelessness The fog, there she is again, Surrounds me The day will still take a while And I'm exhausted I give in To the world of mists There I find a safe place Where I attend to nestle for some time There is no choice

A day to rejoice Cause This used to be the day You 'celebrated' your birth Actually You always fled abroad And took me with you Cairo, Skyros, Morocco, Italy, Istanbul Unimportant now Memories Well I hate memories But today I have to look back Cause This used to be your birthday And I am alone In your house Which is as dead As you are No escape Just the wind Letting me know Everyone is relative Even you Cause On your birthday I think about your death A situation which will apply to you Longer than life Your being alive-status was just an interruption of your death And in that ultimate time span You where once born That was the first day of you breathing being A monumental happening Cause It is your ever birthday Which is the pre-conditioning Of my death-interval What can I say, think? Thanks And Happy ever birthday

An outsider might think: Why are you here? Rich lady from Pakistan Tanzanian lawyer Kangaroo shooting Lebanese-Aussie Bacon making police family from Serbia Depressed feeling Turkish-Dutch sisters Omanite navy officer Me At an appartment With oversized white couches And golden framed paintings Sultans Atäturk And Certificates Yes, we are in Istanbul, Turkey City of attacks and a failed coupe d'etat Mosques The Bosphorus Palaces Ottoman past wealth, hüzün But these happenings, sites, historical events and emotions Are unimportant For In town works a famous man That hardly anybody knows Except for those with glitchy eyes Retinitis Pigmentosa, Stargardt Macula degeneration And more If you know these diseases You might know Or you should know The clinic that is housed in the white appartment Glitches that aren't, considered, curable anywhere in the world Are fought here With needles, acupuncture And electricity This being conduc

Damn you! You are too vague Bits and pieces… Where to get assistance To aid my limitations? Frustration And quick continuation With the so called Normal life And waiting for a next situation When just a patch of memory Pops up And becomes more distant Each time One is not enough A lonely memory Is hollow Like it doesn’t exist What will happen When only tiny bits Remain? Will I get stuck on those? Get jammed? Or speed on? Like most do? I can hardly believe the latter So…

It feels icy A deep blue sky In fact, it is a perfect day An entrance That resembles the gates Of many former concentration camps From World War II My heart beats faster Faster than usual A lot of tension Dilemma: Where to go first? Stones, stones, stones Walls and some art I take the familiar path Dried flower An abandoned burrow A muscus duck, aggressive And a ghostly empty columbarium Buried children Many I am alone Oh my god It is gone! Already... There is no bodily evidence left now 571 steps separation Another grave A freshly one My mother "Hello I am back" Unmarked Also So it is: The old and the very new are not visible Two unmarked futile spots on earth In which They buried a big part of my love My creators are no more Living their dead live now So close from where they lived and loved Less than an kilometre I estimate Irony, Irony You have your way with me Old one out of the soil New one in Take and g

The mother ship sunk Tears Life seems to stop Silence Stilness What to do? New goals seem to arise But what is that? Old objectives persist The same, fucking the same Is it good, is it bad? Never mind Continuation The world catches you up A new ship enters The harbour Life Life is futile Suffering And Enjoyable I love it, I hate it I live it REALISTION: I smile I cry I am angry Hungry I am eager Sad I didn't change The world didn't change Nothing did But How come it feels like Time stood still? I was high On sadness and, pills And now... I am not I manage Somehow Like I Always Did

Once I lived in  defined time line And headed on In it I fell out of it Don's ask me why Consequently I live now in a state of mind Called Mumbo Jabaliyya In which I Can not be shot down by crazies with Kalashnikovs Act like a mentor, or something, to others Tend to be generous, more than before Feel less or much more human emotions Feel more one with nature, and culture Think about dead like e clerk Tend to look after myself, strangely enough Know I can defy the upcoming end for some, longer, time Function as a human being Eat, drink, sleep, breathe, repeat Am basically a ghost I live in Mumbo Jabaliyya with plenty of others Most of them extras And a tiny feel intimi And a rare soul mate I just live here I really do I feel it Sometimes more than other times Ultimate freedom of thought and expression guaranteed Emotions can be numb And can be enormous There can only be one conclusion I think I will stick around here for